Posts tagged ‘Hope’

Excited Again

When Hailey died, I could have died right along with her. In fact, part of me longed to die after we lost her because I didn’t want to live a life without her, suffering under the immense pain and sorrow of her loss. And many people who experience the death of a love one, allow a part of themselves to die too. Grief can be like that.

Well, I didn’t allow myself to do that. My faith didn’t allow me to do that. My God didn’t allow me to do that. I am so thankful to have a Heavenly Father who loves me and is faithful to me. I honestly don’t think I would have made it through losing Hailey if I didn’t have my relationship with my Savior. But even though I had that relationship and that faith, as you all know if you’ve read my blog before, it doesn’t make life perfect and my faith has been shaken and I have questioned.

For awhile I did feel that my future was hopeless. I feared I would never experience full happiness or contentment again. I feared I would never have anything to look forward to or be excited about again. For awhile, I really felt like my life was over. From the moment we learned that Hailey was going to die, I struggled in vain to have a picture of my future in my mind and the only thing I ever saw was black. It was black. It was empty. There was nothing there. And those moments made up my low points in this grieving process. Even as I began to experience God’s healing and feel my mourning turn into dancing, my future still was black – like I was blindfolded and couldn’t see. I didn’t know, couldn’t imagine, what God planned for my life after Hailey.



April 17, 2010 at 2:05 PM 1 comment

Blessings and Answered Prayers

Well this week has been the polar opposite of last week. Last week I hit a lot of lows, and this week I’ve hit a lot of highs.

For starters, Hailey’s Hope has been amazing for me. It’s another thing that God is using to bring healing to my broken heart. As many of you know, at one point my mind was spending most of its time worry about the future. Most of those “future” thoughts included questions and worries about what I was going to do with my life now that I can no longer be the stay-at-home mom I had planned on being. I knew I wasn’t ready to go back to doing what I used to do and what I love, which is teaching (and practically speaking when we’re only going to be in Alabama for another year, starting a full time position regardless of the situation I’m in isn’t ideal). I also didn’t know if I was even ready to have a part time job of subbing or something else. Thankfully, the Army provides well for us, and I do not have to work unless I want to, and Josh supports that.


April 14, 2010 at 4:49 PM 1 comment

Today is the official LAUNCH date of Hailey’s Hope!

Finally I can fully reveal what I have been hinting at over the past week or so on my blog and my facebook… Are you ready for my breaking news?!

We’re starting a project called Hailey’s Hope, and we’re soooo excited!!!!!

Simply speaking, Hailey’s Hope will donate gift bags to families who have babies in the NICUs at The Children’s Hospital of Alabama. I am the project leader so I am responsible for gathering donations, creating the bags, and delivering them. My project is possible thanks to the support of a larger organization of parents just like me, who have had the experience of having a child in a NICU and are looking to give back and help provide items that will support and comfort the babies and families; this organization is called Project Sweet Pea.

For more information, I have created a separate page in my blog dedicated to all things Hailey’s Hope – please visit this page today! There you will find more information about Hailey’s Hope, Project Sweet Pea, what these gift bags include, and how you can help!

I have also created a Facebook page for Hailey’s Hope (I hope that link will work!)- you can become a fan and keep updated with what’s going on with our project there. I want to spread the word as much as possible and get as many people involved as I can! This project will not be possible without donations from people like YOU!

Let’s remember Hailey and bless other families!

April 12, 2010 at 10:06 AM 2 comments

Peace and Love

My grief has a new face these days, and I’ve struggled to understand it at times. I feel very at peace. Throughout this journey, starting at Hailey’s birth until a few weeks ago, I could sense God’s peace. But this peace that I’m feeling lately… It’s so much greater than I had ever expected to feel. Especially with Hailey not even being gone 3 months yet.

I feel like I’m “okay.” I’m content. I feel really at peace at times. I think of Hailey throughout my day every day. I still continue to miss her every day, and I know I always will. But the way I miss her now is so much different than the way I missed her a month ago. It’s so different and I can’t really explain it…My heart no longer feels so very broken. It’s not whole, but I can feel God healing it.


March 22, 2010 at 7:01 PM 1 comment

Yet I still dare to hope…

Some of the most comforting scripture I have come across. It brings me great comfort and I hope you may find comfort if you’re reading this.

Lamentations 3:21-33 (New Living Translation) – Thank you Karen and your MIL for sharing these verses with me.

21 Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this:

22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends![a]
His mercies never cease.
23 Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”

25 The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
26 So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.
27 And it is good for people to submit at an early age
to the yoke of his discipline:

28 Let them sit alone in silence
beneath the Lord’s demands.
29 Let them lie face down in the dust,
for there may be hope at last.
30 Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them
and accept the insults of their enemies.

31 For no one is abandoned
by the Lord forever.
32 Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
33 For he does not enjoy hurting people
or causing them sorrow.

January 20, 2010 at 3:50 AM Leave a comment


"God gives, God takes. God's name be ever blessed." ~Job 1:21

In Loving Memory of Hailey Marie

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