Posts tagged ‘Book(s)’

Pictures, Pain, Passion

(Writer’s note: Don’t miss the end…)

Do you know how many pictures you have of your child? Or maybe if you don’t have children, do you know how many you have your significant other?

Your answer is probably no I’m guessing.

But do I know how many pictures I have of Hailey?

Unfortunately, my answer is yes.

I have 785 pictures that have to do with Hailey – from pregnancy pictures to baby showers to ultrasound pictures to actual pictures of her. Every single picture ever taken (even the ones with my eyes closed or that didn’t turn out just perfect) – 785 total. Which means that I have less than 785 pictures of just her – and if I wanted to, I could go through them all and count to find the number of ones that are just of her. (more…)


May 27, 2010 at 2:52 PM Leave a comment

My book-loving soul rejoices over these books!

(I can’t believe that this post will make 7 days in a row! yikes! I hope you’re not getting tired of me yet!)

Can I tell you how hard it was for me to find a good book on grief and/or infant loss when Hailey passed? Very hard! No one knew of any. A pastor recommended a few – none of which I could find in a store around here anywhere! I found a few on my own at the library, but they were duds. And don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of books on grief out there… but nothing was quite fitting what I was looking for …

Finally I ordered (and finally received after a huge ordeal with Borders) one of the books that was recommended to my by the pastor. Then I came across a devotional style book that looked encouraging on Amazon and ordered that with my Borders order (that again finally came after a big mix up over a month after I was supposed to receive it). And then, through a blog I came across and started following, I found another hopeful devotional written by the author of the blog.

Well, I am rejoicing over how wonderful these 3 books are! And I have to share them on here (and I will add them to my “Turn Mourning into Dancing” page later under my book resources).


April 7, 2010 at 10:42 AM Leave a comment

What’s in a name?

I am self-proclaimed bookworm, and you can often find me with my nose stuck in a book, especially at night before I go to bed. For the past year or so, I have immersed myself in a wonderful Christian fiction series for women called The Yada Yada Prayer Group. (This weekend I finished book number 5).

The main character – who I can relate to in too many ways – just to name a few: she lives in the suburbs of Chicago (where I’m from), she’s a teacher, and she plays Dutch Blitz with her family (love that game!) – has this thing for names. She started a tradition in her classroom and in her prayer group where she researches the meaning behind their names and creates gifts based upon that name and of course she’s often happily surprised (as are others) to find that the meaning of peoples’ names usually tend to suit them quite well.

So in honor of my love behind this inspiring series … I thought I would make this post about names…of course I knew most of these things before… but thought it would be wonderful to share and remember.


April 5, 2010 at 10:49 AM 1 comment

Back to Mack

Here is the post about The Shack that I said that I was going to write in my “A Healing Misunderstanding of Mine.” If you haven’t read that post or my post “The Great Sadness…” I suggest you start there before reading this one.

So I suppose this post really is again about those questions we all ask – especially in the face of grief. Where is God in the bad? Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? Why is this life full of pain and ugliness? Is God good? And this made me think back to Mack in The Shack.

Early in the book, Mack whispers, “I’m done God…I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of trying to find you in all of this.” The narrator explains, “And with that [Mack] walked out the door. Mack determined that this was the last time he would go looking for God. If God wanted him, God would have to come find him” (p.80).

Click to read the rest!

March 17, 2010 at 9:19 AM 1 comment

The Great Sadness, I live in the past and in the future

If you have never read the book, The Shack by William P. Young, I highly recommend that you read it.

I read it for the first time in the summer of 2008, and then passed it on to my dad to read that summer (that fall he was diagnosed with cancer). Currently I am in the process of re-reading it. If you know me you know I love a good book, and I am a classic bookworm. I love ‘getting lost’ in a book. I love books that are encouraging and inspirational and bring me closer to God, and this is such a book. I am such a bookworm that if you were to see me reading it you would find me with a yellow highlighter in hand highlighting away as I read. Just ask Josh. 🙂 Well let me just say that this second reading of the book is so much more meaningful than the first as now I can relate even more to the fictional main character.

I will not spoil any part of the book, but for those of you who have never read it, the book is about a father, the main character named Mack, as he deals with The Great Sadness.  What is The Great Sadness? Well his little daughter (I think she was 6 yrs old) was kidnapped and evidence suggests that she was brutally murdered – don’t worry this isn’t a spoiler -it’s on the back of the book. So The Great Sadness refers to Mack’s grief – the grief of  a parent who lost a child… now you see how I can relate.

The following excerpt explains a little about The Great Sadness and how it feels – this is, I think, an amazing, dare I say beautiful, description of grief and what mine feels like many days:


March 3, 2010 at 11:02 AM 4 comments

Letting go of desperately reaching

I really have to say that I appreciated C.S. Lewis’s book A Grief Observed a lot. As I read his journal entries recording his experience with his grief, I found that much of his thoughts and feelings were my own…as his changed, my changed too…I found myself relating to his experience of grief most of the time.

As I mention often in my posts, one of the hardest things about losing Hailey – is the “losing” part. I don’t want to feel like she’s lost. I don’t want to forget her. I fear forgetting her, not being able to remember, and so on. I mentioned something Lewis shared in his book that I have experienced too which is how pictures of our loved ones who have passed away function in our lives. I am so thankful for the pictures and video I have of Hailey – they do help me remember her at times. But at the same time, they are sometimes a “block” to who Hailey really was. A picture cannot capture Hailey as I truly knew her. A video comes close, but it doesn’t capture everything about her, her smell, her touch, etc. Those pictures and videos can actually impede on our memory of the person. Because after all, they are not the person.


February 9, 2010 at 11:03 PM 1 comment

Random musings…mostly about my guilt-complex

Well since my last post, I have actually had a couple of ‘good’ days in a row. Getting out of bed hasn’t been so hard. I’ve managed to do several things I enjoy and have some fun. Unfortunately, having fun still comes with a guilt-complex for me. I wonder if/ when that will ever go away…

So I’ll share something kind of random. I usually like to keep my toes and finger nails painted. My toes are usually painted 99% of the time – fingers not as often because they chip so much faster. But anyway, I am one who enjoys that part of ‘my look.’ However, I have not had my toes and nails painted since before I was very round with Hailey. While I was pregnant it just wasn’t possible for me to reach my toes. After we had Hailey, it wasn’t really high on my list of things to do – didn’t have much time – and when I did have time to myself I wasn’t interested in painting them. It’s been over a month now since Hailey has passed and since then I have painted my nails once. Pink. For her memorial service. Toes, still nothing. What’s keeping me? Honestly, my guilt-complex. I honestly cannot bring myself to paint my fingers or my toes. Weird right? Probably not a good thing either…


February 9, 2010 at 2:17 AM 2 comments

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