Posts tagged ‘Blessings’

Blessings and Answered Prayers

Well this week has been the polar opposite of last week. Last week I hit a lot of lows, and this week I’ve hit a lot of highs.

For starters, Hailey’s Hope has been amazing for me. It’s another thing that God is using to bring healing to my broken heart. As many of you know, at one point my mind was spending most of its time worry about the future. Most of those “future” thoughts included questions and worries about what I was going to do with my life now that I can no longer be the stay-at-home mom I had planned on being. I knew I wasn’t ready to go back to doing what I used to do and what I love, which is teaching (and practically speaking when we’re only going to be in Alabama for another year, starting a full time position regardless of the situation I’m in isn’t ideal). I also didn’t know if I was even ready to have a part time job of subbing or something else. Thankfully, the Army provides well for us, and I do not have to work unless I want to, and Josh supports that.

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April 14, 2010 at 4:49 PM 1 comment

Hailey’s 4 Month Birthday, Let the Light Shine

Today, April 1, 2010 is not remembered for being April Fool’s Day. To me, April 1st is the day that would have been Hailey’s 4 month birthday. I really can’t believe she would have been that old!

As I mentioned in last month’s post. Today I am choosing not to be full of sadness that Hailey is not here to celebrate being 4 months old. Instead, I am choosing to celebrate her life. From the moment God started knitting her together in my womb (which was a little over a year ago) to the moment I last held her and kissed her goodnight. She was with me for 9 months (in my belly) and 36 days (in my arms). Today I thank God for her life. Her short but amazing life. I know that I say that a lot, but I can’t say it enough.

Who would have thought such a tiny 5lb fragile baby girl who only lived a little over a month on this earth could have made such an impact – on my life, mine and my husband’s lives, and the lives of some of my family and friends…

Of course I miss her today, I do everyday. But the joy and love I have in remembering her and remembering the times we shared together as mother and daughter fills any empty place in my heart today. What an amazing feeling of being a parent. I love it and thank God for it. Today I focus on the gifts God has given me which include the list above, which includes the short life of my daughter. (more…)

April 1, 2010 at 12:57 PM Leave a comment

Heartbeat

Today officially marks the first day of spring. And thankfully it feels like spring here in AL unlike back in my hometown in IL where they are experiencing snow today. To celebrate the warm spring weather and rid myself of this hideous white glow I have, I laid out a blanket on our back lawn and immersed myself in the sun’s rays. It felt good to feel the sun’s warmth and the refreshing light breeze on my skin. A perfect day and a perfect way to relax.

As I turned onto my stomach and laid there enjoying the beautiful afternoon, a weird thing happened. I could feel my stomach pulsing from my heartbeat. Literally I felt my heartbeat in my stomach. Strangely and amazingly, it was reminiscent of feeling Hailey moving in my belly. My heartbeat felt like those first flutters I felt during my 2nd trimester which were the first movements of Hailey’s that I was feeling. Feeling your baby move about in your tummy and ‘kicking’ around is one of those miraculous events that I am blessed to have had.

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March 20, 2010 at 3:23 PM Leave a comment

Healing Touch

Have you ever heard the phrase ‘healing touch’? It suggests that physical touch or physical contact can heal. Hailey’s life taught me the truth behind this common phrase.

In the first days of Hailey’s life, she underwent surgery,  she had a contraption put on her stomach, she was poked and prodded everywhere with needles as doctors and nurses tried to find good veins for putting in tubes and IVs and drew blood and so on,  she had a blood transfusion, she bruised, she swelled, she would have experienced pain had she not been under the affects of morphine. Obviously, no one wants this kind of life for their child. (But I will say, this life, is better than no life at all… and as you will see in Hailey’s case, this can be turned around with a little healing touch, and faith). (more…)

March 9, 2010 at 5:56 PM Leave a comment

Hailey’s Purpose

To my readers: Finally, I’m taking time to write the post I’ve been longing to write. I hope that as many people read this post as possible – so please share with others if you feel led to. This is a long one. I tried to make it short, but I honestly could probably write an entire book about this post, and I know this post will still not do Hailey’s story justice, but it’s a start. So please take the time to read the entire thing if you can. Oh and you may be wondering why I’m writing in pink – I want to make sure this post stands out. 🙂

On December 4, 2009, when Hailey was three days old, in a NICU at the Children’s Hospital in Birmingham, AL, doctors told us that Hailey had full Trisomy 18, a lethal genetic disorder. On that day, our worst fear was realized, our baby was going to die.

QUESTIONS

There were so many questions I had and that others had and have in these situations. Why did our baby have to be sick? Why did she have to die? Why did this happen to her, a fragile little baby? Why did this happen to us, young, healthy, good people? Why did we have to lose our first child? Why do we have to experience this painful loss as young parents? What does this all mean? What good is there in this terrible situation? Where is God in this?

GOD SPEAKS

I prayed and prayed. I talked to God, a lot. I asked Him so many questions – many of those mentioned above. On December 29, 2009, when Hailey was 4 weeks old, I attempted to soak away my troubles and stress in a hot bath. There, alone in the tub, I broke down into heavy weeping and started a conversation with God that I wrote down in my journal and will never forget for the rest of my life. God will speak to us if we listen. And that night He spoke to me with clarity that I had never experienced before.

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February 18, 2010 at 2:29 PM 5 comments

My sweet lullabies

This morning I need to write a post that is more ‘happy’ for myself for I fear that today could be tough day – just getting one of those feelings… so here it goes…this is another one of those very personal memories that I have only shared with my husband… but it’s one of my happiest and don’t want to keep it to myself.

My favorite moments spent with Hailey occurred when I was alone with her. When it was just me and her. Mom and daughter. In these moments I would be standing up or sitting in my glider. I would hold her close to me. And I would begin rocking her gently. I loved feeling the weight of her in my arms. In these moments I found tremendous joy, and in these memories I continue to find joy.

Now, if you know me at all, you know that I am not the singing type. I cannot carry a tune what-so-ever. I am not tone-deaf – I can HEAR that I don’t sound good. So I never sing in front of anyone. And I always wondered to  myself – how can I be a good mom when I can’t sing? All moms sing to their babies – what am I going to do? Hailey will hate my voice and I will not sing in front of others because that would just be embarrassing. There would be nothing soothing about my singing!

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February 13, 2010 at 5:25 AM 2 comments

36 days long, 36 days gone

Hailey beat the odds when she lived for 36 days. Statistically speaking, she wasn’t supposed to make it full term, she wasn’t supposed to survive birth, and she wasn’t supposed to live for more than 5-15 days. But she lived for a miraculous 36 days. January 6, 2010 marked her 36 day of life, her last day of life, because Jesus called her home.

Today marks 36 days without Hailey. She has been in Heaven for 36 days.

Here for 36 days, gone for 36 days…I’m not sure what to make of it.

Tomorrow I will have spent more days without her than days spent with her. From the beginning, I have always dreaded tomorrow… but I will not go there today. After all, do not worry about tomorrow because today has enough troubles of its own right?

36 days long, now 36 days gone. Time is flying by. It literally feels like her life and her death each happened in the blink of an eye…

So today, I will just try to keep my heart and mind focused on her miraculous life.

February 11, 2010 at 7:18 AM Leave a comment

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Dedication

"God gives, God takes. God's name be ever blessed." ~Job 1:21

In Loving Memory of Hailey Marie

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