Awkward (?) moments

January 16, 2010 at 2:15 AM 1 comment

It’s funny how shocked people are when they find out we lost a daughter – well I know “funny” isn’t the right word, but you know what I mean…

My first story to share – the day Hailey passed away we left AL to drive back to IL. Before we left I stopped at a store to buy an outfit for her memorial service. I was in the store (looking terrible, no make up, glasses, sweats, and I had been crying for hours), and I, of course, was carrying around black clothing items to try on. The first thing a salesperson says to me – “Are you shopping for a school uniform?” Seriously lady?? You could tell by looking at me that I had been crying and wasn’t very happy, and I’m carrying black clothing – and she thinks school uniform?? I’m sure some of it stems from the fact that I look young – but I’m almost 25 – do I really still look like I’m in high school? But it was an honest mistake I know. It just shows that no one expects me to be a mother and no one expects that I’m a mother whose daughter passed away.

Second story to share – at the store where Josh and I bought our lockets to keep Hailey’s picture in the salesperson asked us what occasion we were shopping for… this gets kind of awkward… and Josh kindly explains to her that our daughter passed away…the look on her face was perhaps a mixture of shock, disbelief, and sadness…she kind of gasped quietly and said the usual “I’m so sorry” etc.

And we have more stories like this, and I’m sure we’ll continue to have more stories like this… and I can understand it. People don’t really expect such a young couple to have had a daughter (especially when I look like I’m still in high school I guess) and to have lost her already…

And this is what bothers me sometimes. I want to tell the world about my daughter, I want the world to know I’m a mom and that Josh is a dad, I want the world to know we’re not just a married couple anymore we’re a family – it’s just that one member of our family is not with us anymore… I don’t want it to be where everyone we meet just assumes we’re a young married couple that hasn’t decided to have kids yet…I don’t want it to be awkward when we tell them we had a daughter, but she passed away… But what stranger would know that I’m the mother of a child in heaven? …I can’t blame anyone or expect it to be any different I know…


Entry filed under: Me. Tags: , , .

Struggling with selfishness Today’s posts…

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Ilea  |  January 16, 2010 at 3:31 AM

    I'm not a good commenter tonight. People are afraid that somehow they are going to hurt you more by saying the wrong thing-I encounter that a lot myself. The important thing is that you and the people most important to you know about and love Hailey. People assume all kinds of dumb things. I don't really know why. For what it's worth, I don't think they are shocked that you and Josh had a baby-I think they are just shocked to hear of a baby that passed. It is not something a lot of people have experience with. Wish I had better advice-all I have is lots of love for you and Josh!


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"God gives, God takes. God's name be ever blessed." ~Job 1:21

In Loving Memory of Hailey Marie

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